Saving her, Loving him
by thenandnow
Summary: It's been five years since Chihiro's encounter with the Spirit World. She's been down ever since, and waiting for a special someone. Yet when that someone comes, he may find Chihiro's already taken.


This is my first fanfic. It may start off slow, but I swear the next chapters will be full of romance and drama. ) Please review. Love it? Like it? Hate it? I'd like to hear what you think!

The cool wind blew her long brown hair back and it dangled lightly in the wind. She closed her eyes, the cold air felt harsh yet soothing on her face. It made it almost impossible to feel anything else, drowning her of her memories and bringing her mind's focus on the thousand daggers stabbing into her precious skin. She didn't know how long she had been there, her mind clearly elsewhere. She could hear the distant sounds of the ocean splashing beneath her. The train rang loudly as it passed beneath the wooden balcony. She was surrounded by pure water… And then she opened her eyes, the sun was setting but she still squinted as it began to disappear beyond the mountains. She looked down.

There was no ocean here, she was imagining it. There was only a simple river. It was all in her memory… She wasn't in the bath house anymore standing on the balcony where she worked. So why would she be still hearing the distant sounds of the train? She sighed; she wanted so badly to go back. Often moments like these would reoccur as she thought of the Spirit World, and once she thought she was back, so close, so close to _him_, her eyes would open. And it was gone. It was as if it slipped away as easily as her hand had slid away from his firm grip.

It had been five long years. She was fifteen now and not once had he come back. Everyday she used to wonder if he would show up, and every time she had imagined this moment it played out as a fantasy. He would smile and open his arms wide out for her, and she would run eagerly into his arms. They would rub their noses together and their eyes would meet. Everything would be perfect. He would say he was dying to come back to her, but had trouble finding her…he had been looking for her all these years…

She snapped her mind out of it. She stopped having dreams like that a while ago. When she was young she believed in fairytales and impossible incidents like those, but as life went on, she began to lose hope. It was as if she had become this lifeless person, she barely had anything to wish for. Her mind was dull, her dreams lost, and she had no faith that he was ever to come back for her. As she dug deeper into her mind, she began to think maybe it _was_ all a dream? Certainly she had not met anyone who had gone through the same devastating world she had been to. He said he would come back. He was not a person to break a promise; it must have been a dream.

…And yet, she did not want it to be a dream. She wanted it to be real, to have those memories of him holding her stuck in her mind forever. His warmth extinguishing all the coldness she had in her body. His sweet scent filling up her nose and making her sigh in delight… He was so protective of her, he cared so much. He barely even knew her, only one time had he seen her before that fateful day…and it was a wonder he even recognized her as she grew older. She couldn't help but fall for him, and she was merely ten at the time. And as the years passed on, her passion for him grew instead of faltered. She knew it was foolish, but it was if he had a hold on her. She thought it was a spell, one she couldn't escape from…but it soon it formed clearly in her mind. It was love. It never ended, and she could not be left heartbroken. He just remained in her heart, and she would have to wait until he actually came back saying it was over until she gave up. Yes, wishing was foolish, but was waiting for her long lost love any better? She shut her eyes tighter…maybe just maybe…

"Chihiro?" A deep and calming voice questioned behind her.

Chihiro whipped around suddenly. An obvious amount of fear was glazed over in her eyes as the person standing beside her looked taken aback.

"It's only me," he said. Chihiro took a glance at him, slightly acknowledging his presence and turned around to gaze at the small river underneath her. Did she actually think it could be_ him_?

He then took a few steps closer to her and wrapped his arms around her. They felt hard and a little too rough in Chihiro's opinion, and her face was expressionless as they watched the ripples of the river current.

"Are you okay?" he asked and pulled her in a little closer. Chihiro wished he hadn't.

"Kenji, I'm fine…" she said, not tearing her gaze away from the shimmering water.

Indeed, it was true. Chihiro had let herself fall into the arms of another boy; well more accurately, let another boy _think_ she had fallen into his arms. She didn't know why she was doing it, her heart screamed at her to stop, but her brain told her this would ease the pain. In some ways it did help, it took her mind off of a certain someone, but somewhere deep down she knew it wasn't right... But no, she could not let her heart still be in that person's grasp, she had to give it to another. She had to give it to _someone_ who actually cared for her and at least_ wanted _to be with her. Unlike someone who treated her like dirt…who completely ignored her for years…and broke a promise that was nearly sacred to Chihiro.

It had been a long day, and Chihiro barely had anything else to occupy her thoughts as she let her gaze focus on the beautiful scenery. The flowers, the water, and wind, it all reminded her of something…something so familiar, but she knew she had to forget it. It was getting harder and harder to look back. The last thing she needed was someone to be with, all she needed was just to brood in her own thoughts. Who on earth could she tell these heart wrenching feelings to?

And then she felt hot tears swelling up in her eyes, but she knew she had to stop them from falling. The last person she wanted to see her crying over this was her boyfriend. And she had cried about this too often; never had _he _have such a great impact on her than anyone else she'd ever met. She finally tore away from Kenji's grasp, and it was as if her whole body was relieved of heavy guilt.

"You should go, unless you want to stay for one of my parents' awful dinners. They eat everything, you know," she told him, letting out a fake and weak smile.

"But I want to be with you," He replied, grinning so sincerely Chihiro's shame deepened even further.

"Kenji…my mom just wants dinner between our family…" She lied quickly and this time avoided his pleading eyes.

"Well…okay," he said unsurely, as if forcing himself to believe her. He bent down swiftly and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He then turned around and didn't look back; Chihiro knew she had hurt him. It pained her to do that, but she couldn't let him know what kind of state she was in. She couldn't let anybody know.

She had made sure he had fully disappeared from her house as she heard her parents' telling Kenji goodbye, and then went down the steps from her deck and out onto the riverbanks.

And she finally let herself go. No one would see her here, and it made her capable of letting her hot, burning tears flow from her face. The wind was still strong, but now she could not feel the cold, all she was aware of was the loud sobs in her throat, silenced by the lapping of the river. The river…it reminded her so much of _him…_ Now she cried even harder, which made her angry, why did she have to be so confused? Why was she like this? Mourning over somebody she hadn't seen in five years? She fiercely wiped her tears away. She had to stop. She had to move on. This wasn't her; _he_ knew this wasn't her. Chihiro was much stronger than she was acting, she didn't need anyone to complete her. She needed to forget…to forget everything…

She then looked down at her tear-stricken face in the reflection of the river. She did not like what she saw. She wanted to rip this Chihiro apart and make a new one, one that actually knew what she wanted.

She bent down and saw her broken face staring back at her, and she splashed the river with all of her might. And then she let one last tear fall and—

Chihiro gasped and nearly had a heart attack. It was as if a sudden whirlpool was gathering up in the middle of the river. She leapt back instantly and fell down with the palm of her hands holding her up, as her mouth hung wide open. The spinning in the middle of the river began to swirl even faster and soon it looked as though the water had changed color. She stared at it with wide eyes, everything was happening so fast she could barely focus on it. She saw glimpses of blue, white, and silver, and it was the most amazing thing Chihiro had ever felt. It began to rise and rise, and Chihiro would have thought it was hurricane if it wasn't for the pair of eyes she saw forming inside it. She didn't know whether to be scared or impressed, as it she saw it turning into something. The colors grew brighter for a moment, then slightly darkened and she saw a full human figure. The spinning was growing less severe, and the harsh winds it picked up began to stop. And soon, it appeared. Actually, _he_ appeared. She was definitely frozen now.

And it was definitely _him_.

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Ok, there was the first chapter. We'll learn more about why Chihiro's with Kenji in the next chapters, incase you were wondering. Please review...it's my first story and I've been such a chicken of putting any of my work in public that this one's taken me quite a while...ok well anyways REVIEW! thank you!


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